Maths Rocks....It can screw ur brains

1.N equals N plus one joke

Theorem: n=n+1                                                                

Proof:
(n+1)^2 = n^2 + 2*n + 1

Bring 2n+1 to the left:
(n+1)^2 - (2n+1) = n^2

Substract n(2n+1) from both sides and factoring, we have:
(n+1)^2 - (n+1)(2n+1) = n^2 - n(2n+1)

Adding 1/4(2n+1)^2 to both sides yields:
(n+1)^2 - (n+1)(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2 = n^2 - n(2n+1) + 1/4(2n+1)^2

This may be written:
[ (n+1) - 1/2(2n+1) ]^2 = [ n - 1/2(2n+1) ]^2

Taking the square roots of both sides:
(n+1) - 1/2(2n+1) = n - 1/2(2n+1)

Add 1/2(2n+1) to both sides:
n+1 = n 

2.Three is equal to four joke

Theorem: 3=4
Proof:

Suppose:
a + b = c

This can also be written as:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c

After reorganizing:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c

Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)

Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3 

3.All numbers are equal joke

Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then


a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b


So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

Professional Poem

Engineering jokes

 

An Engineer in Hell

An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. An intern angel, filling in for St. Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer; you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.
One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God's face clouded over and he exploded, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake; he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan shook his head, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Software Engineering

At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

An engineer, physicist & mathematician in a hotel

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Two engineering students

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

You might be an engineer if ...

... choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
... the salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
... you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
... you know what http:// stands for.
... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
... you see a good design and still have to change it.
... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
... you window shop at Radio Shack.
... your laptop computer costs more than your car.
... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
... you've already calculated how much you make per second.
... you've tried to repair a $5 radio.

To the engineer...

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing ...

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I'm
here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”
“That's quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I'm here because my house and
all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?”" he asked.

Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

An engineer & a frog

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Alabama Professional Engineers Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
- '66 Ford Fairlane
- '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
- '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

Murphy applied for an engineering position ...

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."

The Four Engineers

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."




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What is a Mechanical Engineer?

What is a Mechanical Engineer?
Mechanical engineering plays a dominant role in enhancing
safety, economic vitality, enjoyment and overall quality of life
throughout the world. Mechanical engineers are concerned
with the principles of force, energy and motion. The men and
women who work as mechanical engineers are professionals
with expert knowledge of the design and manufacture of
mechanical systems and thermal devices and processes.
Some examples of products and processes developed by
mechanical engineers include engines and control systems for
automobiles and aircraft, electric power generation plants,
lifesaving medical devices and consumer products ranging
from air conditioners to personal computers and athletic
equipment. They also design the machines that mass-produce
these products. Virtually every aspect of life is touched by
mechanical engineering. If something moves or uses energy,
a mechanical engineer was probably involved in its design
or production.
An Evolving Profession
The explosive development and expansion in computer technology
has literally changed the face of mechanical engineering.
The drawing board has given way to computeraided-
design (CAD), and sophisticated computational software
tools have enabled mechanical engineers to develop
efficient solutions to complex technical problems. For example,
the emerging high-tech field of nanotechnology is attracting
mechanical engineers to design ultra-miniature machines
and tiny implantable medical devices that navigate the
human body searching for disease and damaged tissue.
Also, the growing concern for the planet and the quality of
life for future generations have spurred continuing efforts by
mechanical engineers to design resource-efficient and recyclable
products and develop equipment and processes to
clean-up existing environmental problems and prevent their
reoccurrence.
These technologies and a host of others will have an impact
on lives in the 21st century, and their development and refinement
require the skills, intuition and creative ability of
mechanical engineers. At the same time, mechanical engineers
are expected to understand and convey the real-world
consequences of technology development alternatives to decision-
makers and the public.
Toward a Career
in Mechanical Engineering
Mechanical engineering is a profession requiring specific
skills. These skills are acquired through education, training
and experience. Throughout high school, students must enroll
in certain courses as preparation for acceptance into engineering
programs at a college or university. A solid foundation
in mathematics, science and the language arts is critical.
Strong mathematics preparation includes algebra, geometry,
trigonometry and calculus. Chemistry, biology and physics
form the basic science foundation. Ability in oral and written
communications is important to success in mechanical engineering
studies, and courses in mechanical or computer-aided
drafting/drawing and other technology-related subjects can
help students begin to understand the important practicalities
of technological projects.
Students can enhance their studies and enrich the overall
learning experience by entering science and technology fairs
and design competitions, and by joining clubs or career
groups devoted to engineering and science. Some clubs
sponsor day trips and similar excursions to companies, laboratories
and industrial facilities, where students can meet engineers
in actual work environments.
Alex Burkat
Principal Mechanical
Engineer
Disney Imagineering,
Glendale, CA
"I'm a mechanical engineer
working for Walt Disney.
My job is to design rides for
Disney theme parks. One of
the first rides I worked on was
Splash Mountain at Disneyland. The ride was just finished
at the time I was hired, and I was drafted to debug it and
improve certain components and add certain features to it.
Sometimes I take my kids to Disneyland. They know that I
worked on some attractions and I did this or that ...it's very
satisfying to see your things actually built and working."
College for the
Mechanical Engineering Student
While mechanical engineering programs may vary in specific
content and detail, they are linked by a common educational
philosophy. The programs provide a broad-based education
with a concentration on fundamentals and basic laws
as the major tools required for the professional practice of
mechanical engineering. Graduates are expected to have
the ability to work professionally, as individuals and in
teams, in both the thermal and mechanical systems areas,
including the design, manufacture and control of such systems.
Moreover, they are expected to understand the ethical,
legal, and societal implications of their work.
Mathematics is a fundamental language of the engineering
program. Students also gain extensive integrated laboratory,
computer and design experiences. The design experience
emphasizes synthesis, computer applications and problem
solving. Communications, teamwork and practical
hands-on experience with various product design processes
are also important elements of the program. Internships, coop
semesters and participation in ASME Student Section
activities are strongly encouraged as means to gain exposure
to engineering practice.
Those seeking to pursue a mechanical engineering degree
in the United States should look for a college curriculum
accredited by ABET (Accreditation Board for Engineering
and Technology). There are approximately 265 college and
university mechanical engineering degree programs accredited
by ABET. In other countries, look toward polytechnic
and university programs that are recognized by governmental
education authorities and by the professional organization
of mechanical engineers in that country.
Lori Laird
Biomedical Engineer
Guidant Corporation,
Santa Clara, CA
"We develop tools that assist
surgeons. Doctors will come
in and they'll tell you, ‘we're
having difficulty with this type
of surgery and we'd like to
develop a better way to do it.’
So immediately we say, ‘okay, how can we develop a
product to do this?’"
Where Mechanical Engineers Work
Employment prospects for mechanical engineers are strong,
particularly where local economies are growing. In the
Unites States, for example, the profession is growing by 16
percent, or 35,000 jobs annually, which is a rate of growth
expected to continue to the year 2006.
Industrial sectors in which mechanical engineers have traditionally
made substantial contributions include aerospace,
automotive, chemical, computer and electronics, construction,
consumer products, energy, engineering consulting and
government. In addition, the medical and pharmaceutical
industries present exciting opportunities for mechanical
engineers to join forces with the life sciences. Even the
entertainment industry relies heavily on mechanical engineers
for special effects and amusement park equipment.
The vast majority of this work is done in thousands of companies
ranging from large multi-nationals to small, local
firms. Job functions and responsibilities range from product
and production design engineering and systems design to
power plant operations, quality control and project management.
With experience and further education, some
mechanical engineers move into legal or management
positions that build upon their scientific and technical skills
and expertise. Others choose the path of scholarly
research and teaching. The work of the mechanical engineer
is diverse and worldwide, and the careers of mechanical
engineers are marked by an important common factor -
-- continuous learning.
Caecilia Gotama
Associate Partner and
Project Manager
Syska & Hennessy,
Los Angeles, CA
“There are engineers who
become lawyers, there are
engineers who become
doctors, and there are lots
of engineers, like myself,
who are still involved in engineering but acting as
consultants. So there are a lot of opportunities out of
engineering school."
Melinda Cecacci
Aerospace Technologist/
Propulsion Systems
Engineer
NASA Johnson
Space Center,
Houston, TX
"I am doing a job that is an
opportunity of a lifetime.
The work that has given me
the most pride was the program involving the first joint
docking of the Mir and the Space shuttle. At NASA, I
work with a team of flight controllers, and they come from
a wealth of different backgrounds. We have math
majors, we have engineers from electrical to civil to
mechanical to chemical. We have physics majors, scientists.
All different kinds of people come here. So we
draw on a wealth of knowledge, which is great. It adds
to the effectiveness of how we do our jobs."
The annual FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition
of Science and Technology) Competition teams high
school students with engineers from companies to
build robots which compete against one another in
sports-like events.
Lifelong Learning and Becoming
Part of the Profession
One engineer's new product is another engineer's new
tool. Mechanical engineers are in the business of advancing
the technological state of the art and are doing so at
a rapid pace and on a global scale.
The analytical and critical thinking and problem-solving
skills that result from an engineering education will serve
throughout one’s life. However, to remain competent and
competitive throughout one’s career, the mechanical engineer
must continuously learn about, and use, new developments
in the field. Every project, promotion and job
change produces new learning demands. To stay abreast
of new developments in the field, mechanical engineers
enroll in graduate courses and read technical books,
codes, papers, magazines and journals. They attend short
courses, take on-line courses, and participate in workshops
and conferences.
ASME and other professional societies play an important
role in providing these types of learning opportunities for
engineers. Engineers who are active in professional societies
gain a competitive edge, enhance their knowledge
and technical expertise, and acquire leadership skills. To
get an early start in the profession, once you enroll at the
college or university of your choice, join the 24,000
mechanical engineering student-members of ASME and
become active in the ASME Student Section on campus.
Norris Allman
Senior Supervising
Test Engineer
PSE&G of New
Jersey
"...people are judged
by what they know
more than their friendships
or what school
they went to. It’s a technical
business... if you’re technically competent, you’ll do
very well."

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When Bill Gates Went to Hell....:) Sad story :- Exclusive

Bill In Hell




After Death when Bill meets god. God asked him whether he will choose Heaven or Hell? Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" 

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?" 
God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!" 
Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. 

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect! 
Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!" 
To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. 
It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision. 
"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell." 
"As you desire," said God. 
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. 
"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair. 
"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?" 

"Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver"....!! !!!!!!!

First day in your new job-Tips

Are you nervous?
And don’t know how to react?
For first at job wear a dress that makes you comfortable and you must looks presentable to others. Most of the big companies like Wipro, TCS, Patni, CTS, Infosys, IBM, HP big companies the induction will be held in a big training room and you may have to introduce yourself in front of others and don’t panic and don’t be nervous, prepare for this before going for the first day. Try to prepare in front of the mirror and be confident while you speak. Follows some tips to follow on your first day in your job.
Be there before half an hour and make yourself comfortable to that place. You never know what’s your job and who will be your boss, this makes the person so scared and nervous till you understand the person and fit with the team. The first day at job makes you so stressful, may feel that you were in a new world and others looks like an alien. On your first day of job you may need to meet so many people and need to introduce yourself with everyone so try to be confident and bold. Because first impression is the best impression, so it will add up yourself with your boss. Be relax and don’t panic and nervous when you meet the people, because on the first day you will be having inductions. Sharpen your ears because many people will be sharing with you many things so need to listen very keenly. Take a diary and pen with you and make points. When the people is sharing an information with you make a note of the point in your diary and don’t interrupt when the people sharing the information once they have done with their parts and ask permission from them and ask your doubts and questions. Make a note of the person you interact on daily basis and their names and numbers in a excel sheet and follow the same till the end and don’t stick the names and their numbers in your desk which may makes your place so dump. Don’t use your co-workers name until you know their designation and always stick with Madam and Sir to everyone. Don’t ask the same questions again and again which may feel your co-workers feel so irritate. Try to impress the boss on the first day by answering the question and before you join know about your role of responsibilities. Be very familiar with the computer shortcut keys and familiar with the operations.

Music and Life-Article

We can't deny that music can affect our state of mind, influencing our daily life, and the reason for this is mysterious. We always look for a music that is something livelier while doing some physical work or exercises or out socializing on a larger group and keep listening to relaxing music for a nice and quiet romantic dinner. An increased rate of car accidents ican be caused by listening to fast music while driving and based on recent studies the Mozart effects claim to increase intelligence. We might have heard of farmers who increase their production by playing music to their animals. Below are the main aspects of music and their facets in turn that influence our daily life.
Tempo and rhythm

Pitch Melody and Harmony

Tempo and Rhythm and its combination has an immediate physical impact on our perceptions. The rhythm of an object suggests more or less frequent movement to qualify the repetitive nature of the underlying beat, even though the tempo of a piece of music might be slow and relaxed. A high frequency of notes can suggest a degree of contained excitement within that relaxed state. Music tends to have a steady tempo to it, often measured in beats per minute. Most of the music based on simple observation is in the range of 50-200 beats per minute, the same as the extreme range of our heartbeats. The music tempo of the piece of music roughly equates with the heartbeat associated with the corresponding state or emotions.
120-160 is common in some energetic situation since the heartbeat and the music tempo has a strong degree of suggestion. 80-120 is quiet a common tempo, since we crave some degree of excitement from our entertainment. 80-100 is moderately alert and interested otherwise 100 upward is increasingly lively excited or agitated. Ranging from 60-80 beats per minute is calm and relaxes, less than 60 often very relaxed, introspective or even depressed.
Pitch, Melody & Harmony
Pitch on its own affects our perception on how we perceived sounds and music providing a basic scale from high = light, happy, carefree to low = dark, sad, ominous. As part of our evolutionary heritage we tend to find large things more threatening than smaller things. Generally bigger objects make deeper noises whether long column of air or long strings in a musical instrument, big chest, large animal footsteps, or large objects banging together. Conversely smaller instruments, short columns of air, short strings, small animals or objects make higher pitch noises.
Harmony is the combination of tones with different pitches, Even though some are seem to be close to the combination of notes is completely the natural set of different notes produced by something vibrating and easily demonstrated musically of brass instruments. Those "natural "(without keys) instruments such as bugle, octaves, fifths and thirds produced are a series of notes. That is so well together to make "harmonious " sounds like major chords. String instruments can be demonstrate the lowest notes of the harmonic series by playing the strongest " harmonics" of the strings which divide the length into fractions like halves, thirds, quarters, fifths, etc. All that varies in degrees within all notes, and their proportions help to make sounds their unique color or tones, is always presented by harmonic.
Repetition is the simplest form of PATTERN. If we see something familiar, then it triggers memories and related thoughts are sometimes consciously and unconsciously. The repetition need not to be exact but "similar" enough to trigger familiarity. The aspects of our intelligence allowed us to adopt in so many different climates and conditions that make the best use of available shelter and resources, to build language and culture to communicate to each other in succeeding generations. It also allow us to appreciate and to create pattern for its own sake in the form of visual and aural arts which human brains particularly seem to have a highly developed and flexible pattern recognition capability.