Jokes Jokes and Jokes

1. What is Common between : Krishna , Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

2. Teacher to a Sardar : A=B, B=C, So A=C, Give me an example,
Sardar : I Love You, You Love Your Daughter, So I Love Your
Daughter
.
3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya ,
Ram ne kaha : Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usine
dhundhi thi.

4. A Kid asks the Priest : Father what is your Favourite Pastime.?
The Priest pats the kids head & replies : NUN My Child NUN....!!

5. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone
Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310
Now it is 6610"

6. Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College ,
Banta : Really, what is he studing,

Santa : No is not studying, they r Studying him.
7. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho
gai...!!
Chinti Boli, " Wah Mohabbat, EK din ka pyar hua, ab sari
umra kabra khodne me hi beet jayeegi..!!"

8. Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile, Police ko dene chale, Santa
agar koi bomb raste mai Phat jaye to..?
Banta : Jhooth bol denge Do hi mile the...!!!

9. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse.
He writes a Loveletter to her,
" I LOVE U SISTER."
 

Dont Mess With SANTA SINGH: jokes4u

Prince Charles & Santa Singh were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Santa Singh thinks "how poetic" 
Santa Singh says, "pass the custard you bastard".

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa Singh at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single" 
Santa Singh says - "Santa Singh Married"

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary
Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Santa Singh : U R great sir! Starting salary is
o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa Singh's theory : Moon is more important than Sun, coz it
gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during 
the day when light 
is not needed!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa Singh and Banta Singh are driving a Car. Santa puts on the indicator
and asks Banta
to check whether its working. Banta puts his head
out and says
YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********
Santa Singh shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do
register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day
in the post
office....

************ ********* ********* ********* ******** 

Santa Singh is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts
its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he
wrote the conclusion.. .... 
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut -
it becomes deaf......"

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A Tamilian call up Santa Singh and asks " tamil therima??"

Santa Singh got mad, angrily replied.... "Punjabi tera
baap!!!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were looking at Egyptian mummy. 
Santa Singh : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident
case.
Banta Singh : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC
1760!!!....

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa Singh on an interview 4 da post detective. 
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Santa Singh : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start
investigating right now. ......

************ ********* ********* ********* ******** 

Santa Singh for an exam had studied only one essay
'FRIEND', but in the 
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced 
friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON,
I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, 
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY
TRUE 
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Interviewar: what is ur qualification?
Santa Singh : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Santa Singh : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with
DIFFICULTY.. ..

************ ********* ********* ********* ********

In KBC

Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Santa Singh : liquid state.....
Someone in Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, IT WAS BANTA  SINGH..... ..

Film Dialogue made PERSONAL :) :)

Baaziger:
"Kuch pane ke liye bhi kuch khona padta hai, aur kuch pa kar khone wale ko Baziger kehte hain".

Bhaji Ghar:
"Pet bharne ke liye kuch khana padta hai , aur kuch khane ki cheezien bechne wali jaga ko Bhaji Ghar kehte hain."

*
Mohabbatien:

"Ek ladki thi dewani si , Ek ladke pe woh marti thi , nazren jhuka ke, sharma ke , galion se guzrti thi , chori chori chupke chupke chitthiyan likha karti thi, kuch kehna tha shayad us ko , jane kis se darti thi,jab bhi milti thi mujh se , mujh se poocha karti thi, yeh pyar kaise hota hai , yeh pyar kaise hota hai , aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha"

Musebatien:
"Ek ladka tha pagal sa, ek moti pe woh marta tha , nazrien chupa ke, dar dar ke , date pe jaya karta tha , kuch kehna tha sayad us ko , magar us moti se darta tha , jab bhi milta tha bechara mujh se mujh se poocha karta tha , " main chutkara kaise paoooon, main chutkara kaise paooon", aur main sirf yahi keh pata tha ("abe to aise lafron main padta hi kyun hai )"

*

Darr:
"kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Kiran"

Marr:
woh: "kkkkk" ,
samne wala: "kya bhai" ,
woh: "kkkkkkkk",
samne wala : "kya bhai kya ho gaya",
woh: "kkkkkkk",
samne wale ne thappad laga di, "kya kab se kkkkkkkkkk kar raha hai be"

*

Kuch Kuch hota hai:
"Pyar dosti hai , agar woh meri sab se acchi dost nahi ban sakti to main us se pyaar kar hi nahi sakta"

Kuch Kuch Zaroor ho raha hai:
"Date bahaut zaroori hai , agar woh mere saath date par nahi aa sakti , to main us se pyaar kya pyaar ka abba bhi nahi kar sakta" (Samajhti kya hai apne aap ko)"

*

Sholay:
"Are oh samba, Kitne admi the re, hahahaha, Jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya"

Tolay:
"Mummmmyyyy, kitne toley hain mere sar main",
Mummy : "Jo pakra gaya samjho mar gaya"

*

Kante:
"Ek din hum sab ko narakh main to jana hi hai , yeh kam karo aur lambi gadi main jao nahi to pedal"

Chante:
"Ek din hum sab ko date par to jana hi hai , ek kam karo , GF ko bus main bithao , aur khud jao pedal (Paise bacaho)

*

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum:
"Parampara Dad, Parampara , pehle aap gaye the phir bhaiya gaye the aur ab mujhe jana chahiye"

Kabhi tum Kabhi hum:
"Parampara Dad , Parampara, pehle aap date par jate the , phir bhaiya jane lage , ab main bhi jaooon ga" 

Suprising Kitty Video :) :) Fun for all times

Surprising kitty....

This is a spoof......:)

Tintumon Rocks!!!!!-Jokes by Tintumon

Dad to Tintumon:When I beat you how did you control your anger?
Tintumon: I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Tintumon: I clean it with your tooth brush.


Dad: Do u know how 2 swim?
Tintumon: No.
Dad: A dog is better than u! It can swim.
Tintumon: So do u know how 2 swim?
Dad: For sure!
Tintumon: Then, what's the difference between u and a dog?


Tintumon called FM radio & said
"I've found a purse with Rs.15000/- a credit card & an ID card of Mr.Mani,
No.13,Halls rd,kannur….
Radio jocky : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?
Tintumon : no……. i just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…


Father and tintumon were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.
The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and tintumon
was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," tinumon said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you
up …"
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" Tintumon finished.


Tintumon was asked to write a sign board for the traffic near the school.
He wrote"Drive carefully! Don't kill the students, wait for the teachers"


Prof.: Chemical symbol of Barium?
Tintumon:BA
Prof.: For Sodium?
Tintumon:NA
Prof.: What will we get if 1 atom of Barium & 2 atoms of Sodium combines?
Tintumon:"BANANA"





The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program.
“There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning,Wouldn’t it
be better to hear one at a time?”
Tintumon shouted, “Okay ? you start.”





Teacher: Imagine u r a millionaire. Write ur life history.
Tintumon didn’t write.
Teacher: why are you not writing?
Tintumon : I’m waiting 4 my secretary 2 take notes….



PASSIVE VOICE
teacher: Write the passive voice of " I made a mistake"
Tintumon: " I was made by a mistake"


PROFESSOR
A professor to tintumon: "what is attention deficit hyperactive disorder?"
Tintumon: "JIMBALAKDI PAMBA"
professor: "I don’t understand anything"
Tintumon: "same 2 you"


PTA Meeting
Tintumon: Dad, there is a small PTA meeting at school tomorrow…..
Dad: Wat do u mean by a small PTA meeting ?
Tintumon: its… just u, me & the Principal !


Techy Tintumon
Teacher: Write a C program to prevent TITANIC from sinking..
Tintumon:Declare the variable TITANIC as float…!